Top: Great Falls, Genesee River, Rochester (flickr). Collage: New Hampshire, Carpathians, Grand Canyon; Chile mountain top (flickr); Aydar River, rainbow over Luba's garden; paths (flickr). Below, flickr photos of Tallahassee, St. Petersburg, and Toledo (sculpture in front of Art Museum).
Oh how I am missing Loren. He occupied such an immense space in my life, emotional, psychic, spiritual space, from the time I was 8 years old, for over 60 years. It's hard to explain. The silence saddens my senses. I console myself with fantasy, even knowing that's what it is.
Maybe Loren's soul is floating around somewhere, I tell myself. If
so, he may be in one of the places that he loved and in some that we shared. Beyond that I don’t know where he might be, although I know his passion for space exploration was unabated, from its
earliest days to his last. I'll look on the moon or Mars one day. But for now I’ll look for him on earth, in some of these familiar places:
* Above the High Falls on the Genesee River because he was born in Rochester, NY, thought of it as home, his mom’s parents and dad are buried there, and he always wanted to go home again.
* Walking along his path, the path he made, through a forest,
thinking, performing his special rituals, giving thanks to the goddess.
* Going through Tallahassee, where his beloved mother is buried, stopping to check on his sis and her family.
* In the Carpathian mountains, or the White mountains, or Rockies, or Smokies in his favorite North Carolina places, because he climbed every mountain, following his dream.
* Somewhere “over a rainbow, way up high, because there's a land that [he] dreamed of once in a lullaby.”
* Walking along a river, because that's where he took his last hike, along the Aucilla in northern Florida, and although this photo is of the Aydar in Starobilsk, Ukraine, it doesn't matter where the river is now, Loren might be there. It could be the Colorado, the Mississippi, the Danube, the Amazon or the Nile, any river, anywhere.
* In the Carpathian mountains, or the White mountains, or Rockies, or Smokies in his favorite North Carolina places, because he climbed every mountain, following his dream.
* Somewhere “over a rainbow, way up high, because there's a land that [he] dreamed of once in a lullaby.”
* Walking along a river, because that's where he took his last hike, along the Aucilla in northern Florida, and although this photo is of the Aydar in Starobilsk, Ukraine, it doesn't matter where the river is now, Loren might be there. It could be the Colorado, the Mississippi, the Danube, the Amazon or the Nile, any river, anywhere.
* In New Hampshire in fall, because he remembered childhood trips, returned there whenever he could, got an MA in Social Ecology up there, in Vermont.* On top of a Chilean mountain with a guacano, because he joined the angels to save the miners in that gold and copper mine.
* Stopping for a rest on a lovely bench along a hiking path, maybe with his name on it.
*The Grand Canyon Skywalk, because he loved the awesome beauty of the Southwest, the red canyons of Utah, the plateaus and mountains, the Indian spirits that lived there.
* In St. Petersburg, FL, or Toledo, Ohio, to check on family, his beloved nieces and their kids.
So, Loren, as I fervently hope, with all my heart, and as our Dad’s favorite crooner, Frank Sinatra, sang (and several other famous singers):
I'll be seeing you
In all those old familiar places,
That this heart of mine embraces
all day through.
In that small café
The park across the way
The children’s carousel
The wishing well.
I’ll be seeing you
In every summer’s day
In everything that’s light and gay
I’ll always think of you that way.
I’ll find you in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I’ll be looking at the moon,
But I’ll be seeing you.
* Stopping for a rest on a lovely bench along a hiking path, maybe with his name on it.
*The Grand Canyon Skywalk, because he loved the awesome beauty of the Southwest, the red canyons of Utah, the plateaus and mountains, the Indian spirits that lived there.
* In St. Petersburg, FL, or Toledo, Ohio, to check on family, his beloved nieces and their kids.
So, Loren, as I fervently hope, with all my heart, and as our Dad’s favorite crooner, Frank Sinatra, sang (and several other famous singers):
I'll be seeing you
In all those old familiar places,
That this heart of mine embraces
all day through.
In that small café
The park across the way
The children’s carousel
The wishing well.
I’ll be seeing you
In every summer’s day
In everything that’s light and gay
I’ll always think of you that way.
I’ll find you in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I’ll be looking at the moon,
But I’ll be seeing you.
this is painful, this missing Loren, this wishing.
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